Never Give Up

I accidently got another infection, I like to blame Mother Nature, we had a beautiful almost chilly week then it sky rocketed to the 90s. Next thing I know, I am calling people going "i need meds." I am not hungry, I have a mild fever, but today I am not huffing and puffing on oxygen. I also told Superman to go for with some pretty invasive testing. Which I am terrified to do this. I have only told one person my true fears of all this. Though I am terrified I will absolutely never give up.

Our there days where I want to break down?? Cry?? Give up?? I wouldn't be human if I told you that I didn't. There are times I get so frusterated with this life, that I want to break down. Then I grab Rubes, my phone, send a couple text, squeeze Rubes until I get clawed, and remember all the reasons I fight so hard. There's nothing more wonderful in life then friends and family who love you beyond measure. Kittens that curl up next to you, old dogs jumping on the fence to love you even though they can barely jump anymore, texts from friends to let me know they care. This is only part of the reason though.

Many have lost their battle to their disease. They are falling warriors. We fight in ways no one understands, or,  are capable of understanding. Example?? Wonder Woman told me, I use to tell my patients I understood what they were going thru, though I though I did, I never knew until now what they really go through. That should be in quotes. And it broke my heart. But she is right, though I wish she had never ever been able to feel that type of pain, she has and she takes it in waves. She has learned to comfort her patients in ways other nurses do not know how to. She can share her grief with family. As heart breaken as that is, that is an describe comfort to the family. Though most people are shocked to find out how sick I truly am. But the pride in her face and when she see's me doing something I have not done in years?? Is just so amazing. The joy in her face, the light in her eyes. *Classic proud parent look goes here"

 The falling?? The ones that lost?? I have the opportunity bring awareness out to future nurses, the public, friends. I also can go thru with research. I can go thru testing to find out what really is going on, and try new medicine, so the next generation does not have to go thru this. I was blessed to have a doctor take the risk and give me Saline, at home for treatment. Two years later its now found to be the most common treatment for POTS. My CF?? I take Mucomist a drug that is not commonly giving. And soon maybe even and MCAD treatment. Asthma?? I got try a really cool injection that helped me get thru the worse part of my asthma. It helped fix part of my MCAD, its not a common treatment. This is what we do, we fight to get our lives back, or we fight so the next generation does not go through what we have gone thru or do go thru.

Though I like to consider myself "an average girl" I like makeup, doing my hair, wearing odd and off beat clothes, and spend way to much time on pinterest feeling insecure. I am obsessed with Alice, Fairies and Skulls. But people constantly point out that I am not so average. i am OK with that. Sorta. Some days I see myself as a fighter, others I see myself as burden and feel awful for what I have put my family thru. When thats not the case at all. They chose to be in my life and love for who I am, what I am, and the crazy things that come out of my mouth.

But the thing is, the point of all this is. NEVER, EVER, GIVE UP. Wake up, smile, and tell the world "I got this." Do your hair, paint your nails, or do whatever that makes you feel a little more you. Do what you love to do in spite of what hand you were dealt. The All Father has told me for years. Just because you have a bad hand of poker, doesn't mean thats what you let other see, you gotta let them think you have a good hand and live it. Never let your illness take control. You are not your disease, your are a beautiful amazing person, that has been giving a gift, find it, love it, use it.

I guess I need to get off here though and take Meds, I got nurses to teach next week and need to get better ASAP.
Love Yall
~Poppet