Support

I've been spent almost the entire month of September sick, which has taking everything out of me, including the fact that I was admitted and came out weaker then I went in. It was a very different experience but I did learn how awesome my friends are. I always had some kind of lovely message on my phone, and my parents were there with me including in isolation garb. They always have away of reminding me how much they care in there own ways. Sometimes I am reminded how caring my friends are with some of the texts I get to. Which I am sure Lady Sif handled that one but I am unsure because that entire week was a blur thanks to painkillers and benadryl...

I as well as many others who are chronically ill I am sure forget that they fight with us. They take time out of their day to encourage us, or just distract us from the intensity of our daily lives. Sometimes though, they cry with us because there is nothing else that can be done. They feel helpless and at a loss of how to make me feel better or distract me. Or some thing they are helping the best way they can and over whelm us... Though they did get me watermelon... So it evened out. But anyways.

We constantly think we are in this alone, I have even said this to my biggest supporters, "you don't get what I am going thru," "your not going thru this i am," "do you even get whats it like to feel fluid in your lungs." One said yes, and it was a bit of a relief. But this is not the reality. Just because they do not go thru your symptoms, does not mean they are not going thru this to. This something that took me awhile to learn. I am known in the hospital, I am known in the doctors offices and ERs. So you can tell I can get pretty sick, or if you read my blog you know that to. For the longest time I would tell everyone they didn't get what I go thru at all and that they are not going thru this I am. But thats not the reality.

They go thru all of this but in a very different way. They see someone they love fighting for their life and not a thing they can do about. They see the monitors, the IVs, the pharmacy of meds we take, they see all our treatment. They see us drop everything to take meds, do treatments, or connect to something. They watch us lose everything we love to do and there's nothing they can do to stop it. Even worse there's not a thing they can do to prevent all this. Some have watched this for years, many can't handle the pain and leave. I don't hold it against them, it gets very overwhelming very quick. There are people who say they are strong enough, don't get any aspect of whats going and get a very harsh reality check. Being chronically ill is emotionally draining, not just for us but for the people around us. We end up comforting them at times and telling them "hey, i am fine i got this!!" and we continue to fight and be strong for the people around us because they need just as much encouragement as we do. Sometimes I feel they need more, because they aren't going thru it physically, so they are at a loss of what they can do to help, just to give us some relief from the physical and emotional pain.

I love my little group of warriors, they are few but they are strong. They have never wavered and they always stand firm when I need them the most. Some even made deals with me going hey you can't text have Wonder Woman text me. Some clear their schedules to come see me because my text are so drug induces it's scary. Some send pictures and some send songs to distract from the reality of my surroundings. Some virtually shop with me, and some come and hold my hand. And you know what?? I wouldn't trade any of them for the world. I am pretty sure we are all crazy by this point as the things I have to tell people things that aren't the most comforting but we find a way to fight thru in the ways that we can.

I guess I just want people to know they are never alone, and though you may feel this way, remember that people around you really do care in the ways that they can express, and if you have a medical professional in your support group, they know the blunt reality of what you face in a way we can't comprehend so be easy on them, they know your reality a bit more then we do and we are living thru it.

But I best get off here don't feel so hot.
Love you
~Poppet