Health update??

Well I figured since Tater Tot started and fundraiser for medical bills I'd give a bit of a health update because I offered to put my blog out there so people can see what it really is like to be me. Not that I always give much details I do put it out there that my life is not sunshine and roses the way people think it is because I choose to smile and make the best of it. Because I refuse to let this disease destroy my spirit.

Well it goes like this. These past few weeks have been not so great and has been getting to me. I have been stuck on oxygen even at home doing nothing, and Wonder Woman has been helping me do things. She's helped make coffee when I assure it is to much effort, to stand there and push a button. I think that happened the day I went to the movies. Which I was short of breath on my oxygen, which was very noticeable, and that night I was struggling to breath and ended up on a couple of days of doxi... I am still on it, and I think I'll be on it thru Sunday. She has helped me dye my hair, and helped rinse it out. It's a lot of effort to do all this. I usually do not put all this out there because I don't want people to feel bad for me. I haven't been able to get back to where I was a few months ago, and I am always struggling to do things with out my oxygen. And its usually easier to do things with out but I am starting to not have that option there. I know my life is going to come to transplant one day because of the noticeable difference in how I function. Maybe they can try to fix the whole in my heart first?? I have literal whole in my heart (a PFO) not a figurative one. lol Which means I am not always circulating oxygenated blood, and I also have MRI proof I have right sided heart damage. Because of all the pressure that is put on my heart daily, and all the stress. I am at the end of my rope for medications and now I just wait it out. There are 3 locations for transplant but my lung function has to decrease a bit more, though we haven't checked it since last summer. 2 in state 1 out of state but I really am not trying to think to much about it since I am trying to focus on being in my friends wedding, it is my first priority, transplants are never guaranteed so it's always my goal to do things and worry about that later. Which is why my sweet friend is worrying about it for me, while I worry about her wedding. Its really how things go haha. I also have other things I want to do, and people I want to see.

My FB is also blowing up about me have a quality of life or it was, I really have not been on there at all. I can't handle it anymore. The facts are I really don't. People work very hard to help me with that. Which I am so greatful for. Which means I can focus on Taters wedding and really getting healthy. Or my healthy to stay stable. Which has been a fight. I get so frustrated because I am always connected to something or always short of breath and it gets really frustrating and really over whelming. I will fight to do things I want to do. Even I if/when I do end on transplant list I will do everything in my power to have the life I want. It does get over whelming and a lot of time its all about coping. Putting a tough girl face on, and unwillingly letting people help me when I need it to help preserve my lungs. Which is a huge defeat for me but I am so blessed that people are around here willing to help me.

I am not where I want to be at all, but I am where I belong which I will accept. I also will not let it stop me, I will be out there doing what I love with my oxygen and my meds. I refuse to be stopped, I refuse to let this disease get the best of me. I will do my makeup, my hair, look healthy, and let people help give me a quality of life. Ima tough girl, I can handle this.

Love Yall
~Poppet