Disability

Recently I tried to watch Patch Adams on netflix, someone also gave me this movie. It is suppose to be a comedy based on a real life doctor. I am very blessed I have a team of medical professionals that now me all to well. I am the "crazy girl" this is truth and not insulting it has been my reputation for as long as I can remember. I have always been off beat and did what I wanted. Including wild hair and tattooes. Not the point though.

The part I was able to watch was one soul doctor wanted to get to know the patients, instead of dehumanizing us and listing us as our disease. Which happens more often then not. Especially if your chronically ill and don't end up in the hospital where your doctor works.

People who are chronically ill seem to be dehumanized to the point society expects to look a certain way, and i have been at the end of this many times. They expect us to look frail, sick and in wheel chairs. They expect us to not to look put together. Well this is what I get from them.

I admit I park in handicap after much fighting with Wonder Woman. "Use it." Fine. lol When I go out I spend a good 2 hours on my appearance. Vane?? Who cares, I have all right to be. I get to go out once a week and sometimes not that. When I go out I have nail polish on to hide my dusky nails, my lip slathered in something so no one can see my purple tinted lips from lack of oxygen. Blush and Bronzer to make me look alive, decent clothes to hide the fact that I am sick. Yes!! To hide the fact I am sick. Sadly this always back lashes on me, and I always have my oxygen on. I have been gawked at and even had the police called on me. Because I do not fit the description of chronically ill.

My diseases are considered invisible. My lungs fail a little more each day, my heart is damaged and is always racing. I am usually short of breath and my lungs are ridiculously tight. Sometimes the only time I wash my hair that week is right before I go out or the day before. As when I wash my hair all the junk in my lungs clogs my airs ways and standing for that long puts me at risk for passing out in the tub which I had done before.

I guess what I am trying to get at. Not all of us who are disabled have some kind of visible ailment. We are not crippled (i do not mean this offensively) we have other issues going on. The ones close to me see me struggle. I get dirty looks from people as if "I don't need the oxygen." With out I collapse from lack of oxygen in my lungs. Or my heart rate gets to fast.

Never judge a book by the cover, some of struggle to have a "normal" life.

Love Y'all
~Poppet