Monday, February 27, 2017

Rare Disease Day

Since tomorrow is rare disease awareness day and my lungs are super uncomfy since we are trying to clear them I figured I'd update this blog about both of rare diseases. Most people see it as "just as a disease." Its so much more then just taking meds, and fighting insurance companies.

CF is a rare disease that affects every aspect of the body, its not just a lung disease, its a genetic mutation that alter the chloride/sodium channels in the body. On top that I have mast cell disease which triggers my POTS and multiple allergies. You can easily google what this disease is, so I am going to explain what its like being in my life and what you normally do not see when you google my disease.

Every morning before I even get my lovely cup of nice warm coffee I have to start an IV, start a nebulizer and put on a vest that rattles my chest to move the mucus. Take a handful of pills and an inhaler so I can get to the point of eating. Since I have been asleep and laying down most of the night, or propped up my secretions has settled and thought I have oxygen blowing thru my nose, my lungs are stiff, and I am coughing and trying to clear them. Sometimes if I am up and down all night this part of my day is a bit easier. I give Wonder Woman the 3 finger salute (hunger games) before she leaves for work and she sees that I am going to be OK for the time being. So I can do meds, eat breakfast, and do more air way clearance thru out the rest of my day.

Sometimes when breathings gets much harder I add some Benadryl and prednisone into this mix. Though my lungs are getting increasingly gross, its getting harder to eat, and my weight is showing just that. On doxi, for some reason I have to eat more freqeutntly and I do not get the luxury of microwave food so I am in the kitchen a lot.

Some days Wonder Woman comes home to early to help with my health, she even sits and watches my breathing patterns to see when and how we need to treat, whats the next step in plan?? She gets me talking so she can see if I am focused on my breathing and talk between breaths or if I am forming proper sentences. She checks on me in the night to make sure I am still breathing, and how close Rubes the cat is to monitor me herself. If the power goes off, she's out of bed to swap me over to a tank before I get the chance to realize whats going on. Some days things seem so grim she cries by my bed because of how heart breaking it is to watch me struggle and fight.

To make things more complicated I am allergic to so much, we recently had to swap vegan milks again. I made an off mark in a contemplative way that Coconut is higher in cals then soy milk, which she informs this is a good (Wonder Woman that its) get some meat on my bones. We have to watch every food that I eat, is it safe?? What has it touched?? Who has touched it?? Benadryl is never enough for these reactions and since my heart is bad guess where we have to go?? Yep thats right.

Nothing more heart breaken then 2 worried parents that your close with, and the tears in their eyes.

But you know what else all this is?? A joy for life, a recognition that life is short and its meant to be enjoyed. Its getting to do what I love, because my focus is my health and while I am sitting here clearing my lungs I can be doing this and working on my cookbook. I have parents who are willing to hold my hand and tell my I got this. I have people that chose me over and over again and I am so thankful for that. I am thankful for the sleepless nights because in those moments I not only found out who loved me, but what I loved to do. I found a love for makeup, a passion for recipes, and true friends that will love in spite of a genetic disease and an allergic disease.

If you can learn one thing from its this: Follow your dreams, do what you love, its never to late to start and love so purely and unconditionally that no one will ever question it.

Love Y'all
~Poppet 

Friday, February 24, 2017

Hatter

When I was picking out the Mad Hatter tattoo I was  going for different and something not everyone has. So I ended up with him from the same as my JabberWock because its not something you see and we had already started my arm with a dark theme. Darkness into light and I found the quote that goes with the scene. Alice ask if this is impossible and Hatter says only if you believe it is.

My lung function is poor, my heart is a mess, and my bacteria is flared. All this has caught up with me. Between keeping my lungs clear, I am eating when I can. Which can even harder then normal because Doxi is harsh!! Its OK though we have been doing this for a long long long time now. Some days I get frustrated because things get sacrificed because my job is to care for myself first and then i make time for other things. And it seems impossible!! I was blessed to see the All Father after an appointment this week and he reminded me I am in a position where my main focus can and should be myself. Then whatever time I have left I can use to expand my knowledge and what ever moves myself.

Most days things seem impossible, they seem overwhelming, and I feel like the only thing that I am doing is clearing my lungs, doing meds, treatments, and eating. Where do I have time to do what i love?? Where do i have time to see the people i love?? All this is possible, the people you love will understand that you have to take care of yourself first. They will stop and let you take your meds, they will help you clear your lungs in the way you need to. The All Father has even used drums to help move my secretions.

A lot of the time life seems impossible and you want to run away from whatever is affecting you. However, the easiest way to conquer all this is to face it head on. Sometimes this means getting up earlier then what you want so you have the time to do what you need to do and what you want to do. You may need to take a bag of meds with you and rig an IV from a drum stand. Thats OK, the people that love you will help you fight "the impossible" the way Hatter helped Alice. It was in his own way but the same end came to play. They defeated the Jabberwocky and did something she truly believe impossible.

Don't be scared to fight with those who love you, and though it seems impossible when your willing to fight head on, you can indeed beat this battle to.

Love Y'all
~Poppet 

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Oils

I am going to put a pause on the tattoo blogs for a moment and be thankful for essential oils. Frigga an the All Father got me essentials oils, one night I texted him while I was having an attack, and he asked what triggered which I don't even remember at this point but he contacted Frigga and they found this oil stick called Breathe, I use the oil itself in a diffuser which is going now. I love it I am always rubbing it on my chest or turning on my diffuser and it helps.

I use this thing called a flutter, you take a deep breath and blow into it and puts a positive pressure into the lungs and helps breaks up the junk inside of them to clear it out. Some days its a work out. I am currently doing it every 2 hours while awake, to help with the infection. We work 10 times harder while I am sick or it seems like it, in reality I do this most days. The thing usually leaves me breathless and dizzy. Now my lungs just hurt but I mean I do have an infection and I am making them work.

One day I had put the oil or vapor stick on my chest and went to leave my room and remember I needed to use my flutter so I used it and I cleared my lungs and had no dizziness. I didn't think much of it until the next time I used it with out. Of course I had my diffuser going but I was still breathless dizzy and just wanted to stop. Not an option though, we fight hard around here. The oils really do help!!

Yes I use this stuff WITH my meds. I am currently on a little bit of everything or so it seems. This is just a natural and approved by my medical team and assist in helping me feel better.

But I must go and finish clearing my lungs so I can eat and take more meds!!
Love Y'all
~Poppet

Monday, February 20, 2017

Tattoo blog again!!

Continuing with Tattoo blog!!

One of my first major tattoos was a fairy sitting on a  sugar skull. Its on my left hand its a complete representation of who I am. Me and Wonder Woman were eating pizza and I told her once I was completely disabled I would get my hand tattooed because for some crazy reason I NEEDED a hand tattoo. (Yes I want my right one done but my skin swells and I'm right handed). While we were figuring out what to get, I wanted something so visible to represent who I am and my life. So this is what we decided on.

Sugar skull represent the celebration of a passed loved ones life, its a holiday in the spanish community and most our indeed catholic (as am i). A lot of things I loved have been sacrificed along the way of my health slowly detearriating. No more roller coasters, concerts, long beach day, and once I was cleared for a water park I got a PICC. My health has still decreased over the years and a lot of my time is doing meds, treatments, cooking and exercise. Every now and then my parents get me out of the house for a non medical outing. I didn't want to mourn the life I lost which is totally OK. You are allowed to be said and grieve its a part of life, but I wanted to be thankful for the life I had and the memories I had made a long the years. I was so blessed to have had so many opportunities in my life. So a sugar skull it was. It actually has horns which I find hilarious to.

The fairy well I am super tiny, and my nickname is Tinker Bell and I love all things mythical. Tho I will tell you I am mermaid and I have all these lung issues because I am not meant to live on land. I always tells Wonder Woman I need wings so I can fly. Take the stress off my lungs so I can do things. I am also mischievous and always taking her things. (google fairies lol). She is also a little goth girl with purple wings and yes I was and would still be if money allowed to be the little goth girl. So she truly it a part of who I am.

While I did get that major piece I got Peter Criss' drum tattoo on my inner arm, he was the reason I became a drummer and he is also the guy I was named after. I am also a HUGE KISS fan, and tho Peter is not my favorite member he truly is my favorite drummer. He taught me do what you love with soul and passion. It will show thru in all you do. Listen to his solo work and you can feel his jazz roots come thru.

There are so many more tattoo's to go thru and will give you a huge insight to my life. But for now I need to sort thru recipes and decided on the ones I want.

Love Y'all
~Poppet

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Tattoos

Awhile back I promised the All Father I would right down the stories of my tattoos. I have been putting it off for a year, I wasn't sure I entirely want something so deep to be put in the public eye. However this might allow people to see Tattoo's in different light.

Everyone of my tattoos has a story, thought this will probably be a two or more part blog so its not to long I wanted to share at least part of the story with you. My collection is ever growing but every tattoo has a representation of my life. I think I will start with my Jabberwocky. The tattoo I have wanted the longest and we are FINALLY working on. 

In the movie by Tim Burton, Alice is faced with the fact she will have to slay the Jabberwock, she constantly fights the idea that she is the one who has to "slay" the creature. She spends most of the movie denying its her and characters along the way in different ways tell her she is the one that will take on this role. In the end she comes out in her armor and list all the 6 impossible things she believes and that she truly can slay such a creature. 

I have always tell people that I will slay CF the way Alice slayed the creature. Somedays CF seems impossible to beat. It breaks you down, it leaves you breathless in tears and you just seems like no matter how hard you try its just not enough. You are forced to believe what seems impossible that this to you will overcome. You will beat this setback, you will beat this infection, you will beat this disease. You have it in you, you just have to find that belief inside you.

What is unique about this scene, which is tattooed on my upper arm, before you see alice show up in her armor, the characters that helped her a long the way are willing to battle for her. You see, you are not in this fight alone, though it seems like you are in this fight alone and it feels that way you are not.     I often say, you are not the only one that is living with your disease, it affects every person around you. People will cry with you, they will fight with, and they will celebrate your victories with you.

So I have a Jabberwocky that wraps my shoulder, because I can slay this disease. I also have the support characters because I do not fight this alone. I have such a dynamic team. I call y'all my warriors because thats what we are. We fight daily together. When I look at my arm, I smile. Why?? Because as you will find out, i have a little mouse with a bow in arrow ready to fight, I have a twisted rabbit to do whatever he needs to do, i have a smiling cat to remind to smile through the pain, and a hatter to remind myself I am just crazy enough to believe in the impossible and to keep my "muchness." Time in precious, do not let it slip away and remember to believe in the impossible.

Love Y'all
~Poppet

Friday, February 3, 2017

Heart Disease Month

Something I do not touch on much because its mainly my lungs that are a constant source of issues, today we are going to focus on the heart for several reasons. My heart has been messing up badly recently (heart rhythm issues as i touched on in the last blog), I can go into neurogenic heart failure, I have a whole in my heart, and I have heart disease on top of my POTS. Which affect my heart and kidneys.

As many of you know I have POTS, which is why I have my IV, and the reason I can go into neurogenic heart failure which I have been warned about and we do monitor. Why?? Because I have such bad lungs, the only way we can treat my POTS is Salt, Electrolyte Replacement, and Saline. I cannot take beta blockers, calcium channel blockers, or any other sort. I even have to be careful with EPI in emergency situations. When my heart does begin to fail, we've talked about something called digoxin which Wonder Woman is not happy about so we work really really really hard to maintain my health thru diet, exercise, and proper saline use. There is no "if or when" when it does come to my heart because its all uncertain. But its always nice to have a plan in place for worse case scenario.

The whole in my heart is congenital and NOT a worry as of yet. I can feel my heart gurgle at times which is the back was of my blood into the whole, we have had MRIs and echoes to keep an eye on it and until it becomes problematic we are pretty much leaving it alone because my lungs can't handle larges amount of stress.

I also have coronary artery disease. Because I have POTS, my heart rate rest around 110 on a good day. On days like today it is much much higher. My heart gets so high that my heart spasms a bit (not dangerous from what I know) and it hurts really really really bad. It can be crippling at times. But since we can only do so much with treatment. I am under a physician care who has worked with Wonder Woman and my orders?? Call her when things go wrong.

Does my POTS affect me with all my treatment?? Yes!! I had complications this morning that pushed back my breathing treatments because it was a necessity that I took care of my heart first. It does happen. Mostly when we have major storms. Today was more of exercising has caught up with me and I am working on finding a balance. Enough to keep my lungs clear so I do not put stress on my heart, but not to much to where I am going to bottom out my blood pressure.

When I say I walk a fine line of balance and I need keep a close eye on my body all this is why. My life is so much more then I have CF and my lungs are starting to go down hill.

Today I encourage every one of you to research POTS, and Heart Disease in general. 1 in 3 woman die from heart disease and our symptoms of a heart attack are different from a mans. Get awareness out there and rock that red and own it!!

Love Y'all
~Poppet