Emotions

This is just gonna be an emotional jumble session, this is no way health related. I was sitting in bed earlier nose in my book that Ive almost knocked out in a week and my Grandma comes in and tells me someone wanted to talk to me and it was up to me what to say, on a whim I said ok. She didn't recognize my voice but I knew hers. I worked well volunteered at the hospital with her years back. I wasn't even 16. She told me Kens dead. I still won't give to much info about him. Whether its to protect me or him I don't know. He's my brothers dad though and our history was hell. I knew he was sick and my family as you know from last blog made a choice to say no on my behalf and never said other wise out of choice. She was pooring her heart out to me as I just sobbed on the phone. My lungs still hurt and my eyes burn with tears. And it hurt so bad to hear how much he said he loved me. When the last thing I ever heard was how much he never wanted me because I have been sick me entire life.

All of the emotions and all the hell I have been thru with him is still so raw all these years later, I cry for myself out of loss and all these memories. The worry for my brother, the split decision to go to a funeral with estranged family that barely know and not even sure what they think of me. I really hope the said nurse I was talking to earlier is going to be there because I know she'll support me. I have her reaching out to family for me.

I guess I need to get off of here tho and try to sleep take some Benadryl even to keep the puffiness in my face down?? I don't know.

Love yall
~POppet