Somedays the brutal reality of my disease is very evident. I am turning 30, and I was planning some stuff with Wonder Woman but a weekend trip could not justify all the amount of stuff we had to carry. To take with just for me survive over night let alone a weekend. We of course went back to the drawing board as we alway do. Then today I was looking for an epic Steven Tyler tattoo idea because well the one band outside of KISS that has been a constant in my life is Aerosmith. One the first bands I have ever listened to, and one of my go to's when I am in a funk with this health. Treatment?? Rainy Day?? Little bit of Steven Tyler's "I Make My Own Sunshine." Always seems to brighten things up. Or Dream On to remind to fight for my dreams. Then I saw this could be the farewell tour. My heart sank. It seems trivial to most, but I do not go a day with out my music. Let own Aerosmith?? The reality that I won't be able to see him concert one last time was real, well not Aersosmith that is. And the sudden brutal reality of how sick my lungs are really hit me. To sick to do much, but still make the best of things, but to healthy for transplant list.
Which do not get me wrong, the longer I work to keep these lungs, the longer I live. Yet, some days I am heart broken by my reality?? Why?? Because I am human, I cry, I get upset, and I get frustrated. Growing up concerts were my happy place, I went with friends, I traveled with Wonder Woman, and I made so many great memories. Sometimes know I can't do this, or the risk out way the odds, its saddening. I get sad. Usually it doesn't last long because I plot the way to make things work. I usually work things out somehow.
I also want people to know, its OK to be sad about things you can't do because your chronically ill. You are allowed to be sad, you are allowed to break down, and you are allowed to be angry. You are allowed to have negative feelings about your health, about your disease, about your life. Why?? Not only our we human, but its about the come back. The drive to push you forward and fight that much harder. I tell you theres not a day I don't fight for my health, or the right to breathe. Some days I fight to "center my zen." And today or this week has been one of those moments. My life can get quite brutal with hospitals and doctors. Telling the All Father "sorry not today I had a bad night." Which the people that love you always understand. They understand your frustration and anger. They also hold your hand and say "its OK, another day we will make this work I love you." And thats what I want you to know. That another day you can make it work. Another day I can make it work. In those bad days, in those bad moments, dream. Dream big, and hold on to hope because you never know what is around the corner.
Love Y'all
~Poppet
Which do not get me wrong, the longer I work to keep these lungs, the longer I live. Yet, some days I am heart broken by my reality?? Why?? Because I am human, I cry, I get upset, and I get frustrated. Growing up concerts were my happy place, I went with friends, I traveled with Wonder Woman, and I made so many great memories. Sometimes know I can't do this, or the risk out way the odds, its saddening. I get sad. Usually it doesn't last long because I plot the way to make things work. I usually work things out somehow.
I also want people to know, its OK to be sad about things you can't do because your chronically ill. You are allowed to be sad, you are allowed to break down, and you are allowed to be angry. You are allowed to have negative feelings about your health, about your disease, about your life. Why?? Not only our we human, but its about the come back. The drive to push you forward and fight that much harder. I tell you theres not a day I don't fight for my health, or the right to breathe. Some days I fight to "center my zen." And today or this week has been one of those moments. My life can get quite brutal with hospitals and doctors. Telling the All Father "sorry not today I had a bad night." Which the people that love you always understand. They understand your frustration and anger. They also hold your hand and say "its OK, another day we will make this work I love you." And thats what I want you to know. That another day you can make it work. Another day I can make it work. In those bad days, in those bad moments, dream. Dream big, and hold on to hope because you never know what is around the corner.
Love Y'all
~Poppet
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