Thanksgiving

It has been such a buys but lovely weekend and I am so blessed to be surrounded by the people who love me.

With PFTs coming it has been a reminder to spend time with people I love because I know this could end in a very devastating way. I know if my PFTs are low this is gonna be the start of figuring out where to go for new lungs. Though we have a place chosen does not mean thats where we are going to go. It's also an emotional battle of "what is this doing to my family" and "we got this."

Choosing to get lungs when the time comes is a personal choice that I alone can make. No one can make this choice for me because I ultimately have to live with it. I have such a fight in me to survive this life and to get a chance to live that I do want that choice. I am not scared of the alternative because I accepted my fate a long time ago. I am at peace with where this life will take me, but that doesn't mean I don't want a second chance at life.

I love my family more then words will ever explain, I have said before I can't handle what my life does to them. Someone took the time to tell me this is my life, and I have to accept my journey in life and make this choice based on me and me alone. Though it sounds so selfish its so so so true. This is my journey and my destiny. I truly love life and there are so many reasons in life to live. Not just my family but things I  truly love to do.

Life is truly beautiful. When we take the time to experience life and not just get thru it we see such beauty in life. My reality is this:

My lungs can only handle so much so things have to give. There is no long days for me with out a break in the middle. Small short days, and a good 2 hours to get ready so my lungs can do their thing. I have to cancel plans at the last minute because my lungs can't lung. I can't catch my breath. I cough myself delirious and I do wonder what kind of life is this?? It's mine. This is my life. It makes me so much more thankful and grateful for when I am able to go out. I am in the moment and I put my phone down to be with the people I love and the people I am getting to know. We are so consumed with technology, with phones, the internet that we forget to be in the moment. "What is I miss a text or a phone call." Its OK. The stranger sitting next to you because a fabulous person and  you are missing out on making a difference in their day. They will remember you took the time to be in the moment instead of on your phone. Starbucks is my best example. Mine is fabulous and I love them the people that work their. I love talking to them and spending time with them. I also got to talk to an art major once!! Fabulous person.

The point of all this. Living with a disease that has constantly made me sacrifice me life, I have learned be in the moment. I have learned to make time for those I love, yes somedays it does mean making a choice one or the other. You will never get Time back, it is so important to be with loved one's, spend time with loved ones, and take time to be with people even you do not know them. Love!! Love deeply, find a positive in every situation, and always always always be kind to people. Life is to short to be mad and angry. Its OK to choose you, and at times be selfish. Its OK to put others first and be selfless. Most importantly just love. Choose love. Choose hope. Choose kindness.

Love Y'all
~Poppet 

Lungs

A lot has come to light recently. Between giving up social media, I got on long enough to give the lung update and off again. And my health status I have found out who my team of warriors really are. Theres a lot of true about there are people who care and people who just want to know.

I have been working to keep my peak flows stable. Not get them up but to keep them stable. We hope to buy us some time to do some testing and get me on a med I can't even afford. No one can, there is a cost on my life when it comes to CF. But it's not one that will stop me. I decided a long long time ago what my decisions will be. I will fight.

I have been trying to tell people before Wonder Woman made my health public what has been going on. I still have a few to tell that do not follow social media, but its so heart breaking to watch people tear up when I tell them that the next stage my battle will begin. Though most do not what all this entails, some do. It sucks so much to watch people cry because of something going on with your life. And I know its not me thats making them cry, its my lungs and I really have to separate the to. But I don't want to make people cry. I also reassure them I am in good hands and it'll all be OK. A few have checked up on me and my family but some have not made the effort to make sure me or my family is ok. And no I do not expect people to message me after seeing this to see if I am ok. I am good, I have taking the time to cope and make and effort to spend time with those who love me.

I honestly do not think people realize what this does to my parents or my family in general. There is so much stress that has been put on Wonder Woman alone, and then the All Father. They have to not only cope with my reality, but moving... Then other thoughts I just don't even want to think about. The stress of everything to come is going to be over whelming and heart breaking and I get it. Gosh do I get it.

I always tell Wonder Woman, that I have this and my PFTs are going to be stables but the reality is I am calling her after I was my hair because I am choking on my lungs and I and dizzy. She stays on the phone just long enough for me to be OK then send me on my way. A year ago that would be cause for concern now its my reality. What I would have been admitted for 2 years is now my daily life.

This morning alone I woke up with white lips and it was whatever just another day in the life, until I took off my oxygen to wash my face and I had to catch my breath before I washed my hair to start what I just mentioned. She's convinced I am dependent on my oxygen and I am quick to assure it comes off all the time and I am fine. We all know whose right here. My reality is harsh and it is brutal. But i refuse to let this dim my light. I believe we will get thru this. I have a team on my side and no I do not want to talk about this further. If you've seen my social media please do not ask me to talk about it because I won't. I still have to message people and break some more hearts and its so hard for me to watch people cry because of me. But we are in this together. I don't fight this alone I call my close group "Poppets Warriors" because that is what we are. We find our strength in each other, what I need is prayers.

I guess I need to hop off here I just got a discount code for a tote I need to look at :-D!!

Love Y'all
~Poppet

Smile and Be Kind.

I have always known my disease doesn't just effect me, it affects everyone around me. Some it hits harder then others. Some I didn't even realize how affected they were by my health. A lot has come to light recently. A bit has been going on, but as I tell people how critical my health has gotten I can't help but feel bad because of the pain I am putting people thru. 

I have a lot of hope in this world and I work hard daily to keep my lung function up but I know longer have room for error. Its absolutely heart wrenching to see the sadness in peoples eyes as I tell them how truly sick I am, and how much I keep covered up by makeup and clothes. And no I am not giving you bad news, thats not what this blog is about. What this is about...

... You never know whose life you are touching. You never know who in this world you have affected whether it be in a negative way or a positive way. People remember how you treated them and how you make them feel. We come into contact with many many many people on a daily basis. We have choices on how we react with them and how we treat them. The All Father taught me a long time ago when you go into a public place, put your phone down and be in the moment you never know who will talk to you. You never know what a truly wonderful person you are going to meet. Over the years of frequenting the same spot, or speaking to people, they have not only made an impact on me but I on them. 

One of my favorite delivery guys from Home Health told me recently he always request my supplies because he loves coming to see me and coming to smell the house and what I have been cooking. I have even sent him home with food before. I always look forward to even speaking on the phone with me because he's this positive ball of energy. I always look for my favorite Barista's who have become my friends over the years because I know they will always make me smile.

The point of this?? You never know who you are affecting in your daily life. Its up to use whether its positive or negative. I have had a bit going on in my life and lungs can be a bit dragging but I can't see it as a reason to be sad or take it out on others. It has taught me to always take the time to leave people with a happiness and positivity because you never know what is going on behind that smile or proper outfit. We never know what battle someone is hiding behind a smile or whatever they use to portray a positive light. Life has a domino effect and what you put on someone else they will carry with them.

But I am going to get off of here, I am recovering from the busy busy weekend. 

Love Y'all

~Poppet

Dreams

Time in Wonderland is portrayed as a He, he's very eccentric, self centered, and takes no blames. Thats not what this is about tho, Alice in the begin has nothing positive to say about Time itself because he is a thief, he takes and he takes. But what she comes to learn and what I always tell people, Time is such a precious thing and theres nothing we can do to get back lost time. We also can not go to the past to change what has happened. My life can get quite insane but I was giving this life for a reason. I was giving such a hard battle and God gave me the perfect Wonder Woman. I am not gonna put her credentials on here out of privacy to her, but she's epic at taking care of me and being real with me. She's there for me no matter what, and a lot of our time has recently been spent swooning over Christian Kane, who is now her favorite Chef and I took it personal. Her go to Chef, is no longer her favorite Chef and ohhhhh she still heres about it. lol No really I took it personal.

Wonder Woman is constantly by my side, usually keeping me out of trouble, and constantly reminding me that normal people do not function the way I do lol. If you watch Leverage, I am her Parker minus the part I am not a thief. I mean I touched a 400 degree pan looked at the blisters shrugged it off and went back to cooking. Far from normal. Recently she got a tattoo of Christian, as Chef Eliot. Who I can totally relate to. Cooking in away has saved me. It has giving me a purpose and a way to give back to my community. Wonder Woman ended up getting Christian as a Chef from the episode where he was at Le Cordon Bleu which just happens to be my Alumni. I keep bugging her to get us Kane's Kitchen but we can't rationalize Hulu for one show cause I really do not watch that much TV. Music is my soul and you can find me listen to music and when I feel well I am in the kitchen. I got an email today and I have over 200 artist and yes Kane is one of them.

Wonder Woman has listened to me say the same thing every time we watch Leverage (which is a lot) that I would LOVE to cook with Christian even just for a day. I think we could learn something from each other. I cook in away to save my lungs some stress (lots of ovens, and a lot of rice) and around things I am allergic to. I really do feel for her because she here's the same thing over and over again. I often feel like I leave her hopeless because there is not a thing she can do for my lungs to make feel better and my dreams are quite big. They always have been. And it sound so odd for me to go I want to cook with Christian when I look up to these amazing celebrity Chef's, I mean Chef Ramsey oh my gosh i LOVE him. But something about Christian and his recipes make me go him!! I read his recipes and I was like "Hey!! Wonder Woman some has my attitude in the kitchen!!" I have been drawn to him and the way he cooks. If he learns anything from me as a Chef, its that food allergies, heart disease, and Cystic Fibrosis (very strict diets) can still be fun and flavorful. Theres also the fact I am classically french trained. What I can learn from him?? I am sure that list is endless we as Chef's always learn from each other and I know he uses a lot of spice and Wonder Woman has banned Jalepeno's from are fridge.

In all reality my lungs are not doing that great and while I have energy in these silly lungs of mine I'd love to meet Christian. I would love to give Wonder Woman an epic meal she deserves because she's sacrificed EVERYTHING to give me a quality of life I have lost. She has given up painting her nails cause I can't be around it, she's giving up concerts, and has spent countless hours by my bedside, whether its at home checking up on me, or in the hospitals while I am fighting to hold my own. Me?? While I hate to be selfish, I'd love to have one of my dreams come true. I'd love to not only meet Christian but share a Kitchen with someone I have mad respect for. Which is saying something I kick everyone out of my kitchen. I have never second guessed his character as Chef Eliot because he has also been spot on with his cooking. I really just want one of my dreams to come true.

But I must get off of here because I am actually hungry.
Love Y'all
~Poppet