Wednesday, April 18, 2018

Lungs

Someone in this house has been sick, and I called Superman who never got the message so I figured eh didn't need the meds, turns out he didn't get the message and I had a scheduled appointment anyways so I just waited to see him and even got my tattoo in a location my pants wouldn't bother it, thinking I was prepared. Then I got hit with my very harsh reality. Just because I what I consider OK, doesn't mean I am.

I felt well enough to get my tattoo, I even made plans for this weekend, but the reality living with this disease is my life isn't always what it seems. My numbers are bad, by bad means I have 2 more days to feel better or well for my numbers to improve and they havent budged, everything is low, my oxygen is on four, and im fighting to stay home. And at this point I am not sure if it'll happen, im an exhausted mess, I am on a ton of meds, and I am doing homeopathic work as well. Thats rights one does not out way the other, they both have an equal purpose in my life.

You guessed it my reality is I have a lung infection, my reality is its really hard to fight off this infection because of my immune system and alls I want to do is sit and cry, just stare at the screen and cry, but thats not a good option either. Its just so frustrating to know that I feel ok but the reality is deep inside of my body theres a war raging in my lungs and they are currently winning. I cant have this be my last major infection. I cant have this be my "we need new lungs" I just need everything to work out. But the reality all of this is out of my control. I am doing everything I need to be and should be doing. Thats all I can do.

I often will tell you CF isn't the worse thing that can happen to me, and I truly believe that, its people who dont listen to me, and dont act that are the worse thing. No I am not blaming this on anyone, its simply my body that can't fight off infection. Something as little as someone having a cold in the same proximity as me can cause all of this. What someones body can fight off mine can't. This is just the body I was giving. As much as we fight to keep my lungs under control, the progression of my disease is going to happen. No one wants to hear that but thats the unfortunate reality of my life. So we embrace it, we accept it, and we make the best of what we can.

But I guess its time for more coffee and to catch up on this Anime
Love Y'all
~Poppet 

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