Thanksgiving

My lungs are doing so great. I already had 2 doses of antibiotics and my peak flows are still a bit down. I can't do as much as id like some days either. I wasn't even sure I was going to be able to meet Friggas sister when she came in for Thanksgiving. There not much or anything I look forward to when its the holiday season. I have food allergies and not a lot of people are understanding. I have allergies to bringing in decorations and Christmas for me in general isn't that great. We won't get into that to much tho.

The one thing I was really looking forward to was meeting the other Ms J. I don't have a nickname for her yet. From everything I had heard about her from being a ball of energy to asking if she needed another rock for her collection... I really just wanted to meet her. I was feeling ok that weekend so the All Father came to get me and we went back over. I was asked if I wanted to go thrifting I politely declined as I am terrified of germs but they weren't gone long and I got to the meet beautiful soul that is Ms. J. When I was warned about the ball of energy I was they were not wrong and what a beautiful soul she is.

One thing that stayed with me is what love means to her. Love is accepting an offer that some has for you. Whether its a trip, a hug, a snack, or whatever it is accept it. This could be a persons way of showing love. This could be their way to say "I love you let me do something for you." The other thing is do whatever makes you happy!!

Sometimes we get stuck in these ruts of wanting to get things done and it can be emotionally taxing. We all have those things that way on our mind that is emotionally taxing. We constantly worry about that one thing until we are a ball of nerves and our just upset and we can't shake it off. We are so focused on that "to do list" that sometimes we forget to be in the moment. We are so focused one what or who wronged us, why something happened to use that we forget to be thankful for whats in front of us. We forget that things can wait so we can be present in a moment that we might not get back.

Sometimes things can wait. Not everything of course but being present in a moment and being with a soul is so much more rewarding then a perfect winged eye liner. Dropping what your doing to reply back to someone in a busy day can mean more to someone then an object. We are into a season of being thankful and having peace on earth. But why can't we have it every day??

Change in the world starts with us, and Ms. J is that change that this world needs just like the rest of the people who surround me. They go above and beyond to sometimes just hold on my hand when I am worried, or they are there to celebrate and be thankful they have a moment with me. She is the living bubble of joy and energy that I strive to be and want to be. She reminded me that I am fragile and I am deserving of love just like every one else. Though she doesn't know a lot of my background like most she's so right. Every one is we just need to embrace the love we receive and embrace where we are in life and who are journeys have molded us into.

Love Yall
~Poppet.

lungs

My lungs are a bit rough. I am sitting here in bed waiting to do treatment with really high oxygen blowing into my nose, between coughing fits and being short of breath. Saturday morning I was very symptomatic and by noon I had taking 4 grams of salt, got myself together, and went off for pizza. My lungs had no give in them and I was struggling to get to the table. Id tell you its day in the life but usually thats a sign of something deeper going on. Sunday I was coughing so bad that Wonder Woman got out of bed to check on me, I somehow made it to her tattoo appointment with a frequent cough. Come Tuesday I am coughing and wheezing and getting rounds of chest PT and calling Superman. This isn't good, probably just a seasonal infection.

I am still waiting to here back from someone between being frustrated and exhausted I asked Wonder Woman about my biggest fear. What is my lungs are failing?? It couldn't come on that fast could it?? She told me it could and with CF anything is possible. My heart broke. Every time I get in these situations with my lung infections I always fear the worse, what if my lungs are failing?? Why out of no where did my lungs take a sudden turn for the worse?? Why did I just wake up Saturday morning being overly symptomatic sitting on the floor to take a good pic of my makeup because walking get steps to my chair wasn't enough. 

This is what constantly goes thru my head when I am not feeling good. Sometimes my head is a scary place to be. I have such a love and passion for life. This disease seems like it constantly holds me back, constantly shoves me down, and just takes everything out of me. I fight for some sort of normalcy. I fight for just a simple non forced breath. I just want to be able to walk Rubes into the vet with out effort, I want to paint my face with out oxygen, I want my nervous habit to not pushing my oxygen up with my lip. But my reality isn't that. Its harsh, brutal, and just down right devastating. 

I have come to accept my life as it is. But it doesn't make living this life with these lungs easier. I am so tired of explaining to people my brutal reality. To just here "stay positive." Behind all you see and between me venting I am positive, I have a lot of hope in this world, and I have things that I truly love and people I truly love. They are more then enough reason to keep pushing and fighting. But no one sees the brutal reality I face unless they truly listen and truly know me. Im a fighter and will stand my ground, and I will cry, break down and scream. Which is ok. Whats not OK is giving up. We do not ever give up. We stand. We fight. And we will never back down. 

I was giving a hard path in life, and I'm OK with that, some people were give the path to share this life with me and they are true angels. I always call them my warriors because my life isn't for the faint of heart. And I fight with everything in me, and they fight with everything in them for me. We fight together. 

Love Yall

~Poppet 

Tis the Season, no not a Christmas blog already

Last week I had a lung infection again, right after this I found out my body has no antibodies to certain bacterias with no real answers, and I have spent most of this week short of breath or coughing.  I have been playing this game lately and I have these cute little halloween spiders that deserve so much sound effects and uhh my lungs have not always been able to produce that sound and I start coughing up a lung. So I of course needed to text Wonder Woman and her reply was "maybe another round of antibiotics" then I put up a fight and she reminded me "Tis the season." 

What does she mean by this?? Tis the season, for weather change, Christmas decorations, lots of people in and out of the house, and allergens every wear. My lung function drops in the summer because of the heat, then I get back to back infection in the fall and winter. I also get frequent allergic reactions because people eat things and not wash their hands before touching things. Yeah something that simple can trigger off a reaction. Its so easy to trigger off someones allergies and when no one is being responsible it gets hard to control things. 

A lot off this is out of my control. I can't make people listen and I also can not make people wash their hands so what do I do?? I grab everything with something over my hands and I wash my hands a LOT. I have OCD so they get washed a lot anyways and they wont treat me because of this scenario right for one. Me obsessively washing my hands kinda keep me alive as sad as it is. The other thing I do?? Call Superman. We have already done one round of antibiotics and I am trying to stay on top of my lungs at the moment because I got a few things planned tattoo wise that I need to be healthy for.

I am really not sure how to make all of this easier. I would tell you to be open and honest about your allergies. I would tell you to educate but when people do not want to listen the best thing you can do is remove yourself or take extra precautions. Some of it people will call you over paranoid for but its your life on the line their opinion is void. Wonder Woman is usually my biggest advocate and will stand by my side and fight for me. I also have the All Fathers to hide at.

I wish I had a piece of advice for you to cope with people who just do not care but I haven't figured it out yet. I am still working on this one. Me personally I just avoid the situation at this point because its not a one time thing, its over and over again. But smile, bring your own snack its OK, and don't let a grump ruining your time. Yes sometimes words hurt. Yes it sucks when people do not care about your well being. But why be around them if thats the case??

So yes, Tis The Season to fight for no allergic reactions, few lung functions, and staying out of the hospitals.

Love Yall

~Poppet