Life

This summer has been spent exhausted and sometimes even on Skype crying to Spider Maker. By this I mean literally crying because I am just over whelmed and exhausted where this disease has taking. Its summer so my lungs aren't great. My heart rate is up, my PFs are down, I havent had the chance to see the All Father since June and I've barely gotten out of the house. Its also a struggle to 10 minutes of yoga. So you could say the exhaustion and frustration got to me a bit. When they ask me whats wrong the answer is simply "nothing im fine." 

Which there is some truth to that. Nothing really is wrong, I truly am fine. But heres the thing. Exhaustion gets the best of me. And I become frustrated, a season I use to love is simply taking away from. No pools, no puppy sitting, no tattoos, just simply me existing in the house while the world goes on around. Its not ideal but it is my life. So I do my best to stay busy. Which is usually my game. (I just got my legendary wings). Theres nothing more terrifying then stepping out your house and feeling dizzy and short of breathe because its so hot and humid you cant get a proper breath in. Doing yoga, in certain its short quick breaths over and over instead of fluid in and out serene breathes. And it absolutely gets terrifying. Then the worse case scenario thoughts pop into your head. You start to panic and you really have to get out of your head to calm down and focus. 

I use to tell people Im just and ordinary girl leading and ordinary life. But my life isn't so ordinary anymore. Things can be a struggle. Its not what people want to here but its my reality. I spent most of my day in bad because I was just so exhausted from picking up Rubes the cats anxiety meds. My life is not ordinary and some days its just so hard to cope. Sometimes life gets the best of me. But you know what, life gets the best of us all. This isn't a me thing. Its a life thing. If it wasn't CF it would be something else. 

I truly believe we are here on this planet to learn something. As far as what, well thats are own personal story. Maybe mine is to love and accept inspite of the impossible odds set against me?? Maybe its to find kindness and compassion in a place where people wouldn't hold it against me if I was just angry at life. Maybe its none of those. Life is not meant to break you, even though sometimes we all feel like it is. Life is meant to be loved and enjoyed. Its meant for you to love so deeply and passionately no one can question it. We all go thru some trial and tribulations and a lot of the times its to learn. 

I am not saying you cant be angry, sad, or defeated. How else do we learn?? In order to grow we have to be uncomfortable, we have to find those boundaries and accept them and not dwell on them. I have felt all these emotions and still do. I have cried several times this past week out of pure frustration. That is ok. I will cry again out of frustration to. My life is not what people consider ideal, this is all I know. And thats ok, they dont have to. But those who love me, inspite of all this, well their pretty awesome and I appreciate them more then you'll ever know. 

Face each day with love and kindness. And to the old man who let me cross the street today. Thank you. You are the only want to stop while I stood in the heat to cross street. You helped this little sick girl out. 

Love Yall

~Poppet