Its been a long week, and on my appointment to get cleared for my procedure based on my peak flows my lungs wont fully survivor their next full lung infection. I have mild chronic ones with my CF but my lungs have decreased again. I am doing everything with in my power to keep them going but my disease has taking a toll. Its heart breaking to here this. I am 30, I have my entire life to live but I feel like I am slowly losing this battle.
Before I went in for this appointment I knew my lungs weren't great. I am constantly short of breath and its evident. I do what I can with yoga, I eat a healthy diet, I meditate, and I take all my meds as prescribed. Yet I am sitting here telling you my lungs aren't great. And it sucks. Its heart wrenching but we knew this day was coming but since everything going on was a bit more needed we have to wait. We have to wait until my body is fully healed so we can get an accurate reading. I try to keep it together, I try to be strong for everyone around, but after my procedure all the drugs I was on. I cried for the rest of the night until I fell asleep.
I made a promise a long time ago to Poison Ivy she wouldn't have to go thru life with out me but here I am praying once again I can come back from this. Can I come back from another drop in lung function?? Can I come back from all this. Though my yoga keeps me at a decent steady number its not gonna be a forever fix. And the look I get when I told her Wonder Woman this, the text I get from the All Father, the defeat in peoples voices. Its so hard not to break myself. Its so hard not to let my emotions gets the best of me.
We know this day is gonna come, we know transplant is inevitable, but the sadness it brings people just breaks my heart. But yet I fight. I fight to push it off, I fight for another day, and some days I lay in bed and just fight for a next moment.
It has been such a rough week that Rubes the Cat sat next to me, put her nose to lips and licked my nosed to tell me it was ok. As I lay here recovering, and fighting to feel better. I get a text that my favorite pup is clean for my next visit and here I am fighting for my next moment. Or just a moment to not cough thru a game. Just a moment.
The only thing I can tell you is this. Fight. Fight with everything in you, fight with me and fight for me. If you are going thru this in your own way fight just like this. Do not give up. You can break but you can not give up. Find a reason in side you for you to keep pushing on. To keep fighting. Find whatever it is within you to take a step forward each day. Love yourself and embrace your ups and downs.
Love Yall
~Poppet
Before I went in for this appointment I knew my lungs weren't great. I am constantly short of breath and its evident. I do what I can with yoga, I eat a healthy diet, I meditate, and I take all my meds as prescribed. Yet I am sitting here telling you my lungs aren't great. And it sucks. Its heart wrenching but we knew this day was coming but since everything going on was a bit more needed we have to wait. We have to wait until my body is fully healed so we can get an accurate reading. I try to keep it together, I try to be strong for everyone around, but after my procedure all the drugs I was on. I cried for the rest of the night until I fell asleep.
I made a promise a long time ago to Poison Ivy she wouldn't have to go thru life with out me but here I am praying once again I can come back from this. Can I come back from another drop in lung function?? Can I come back from all this. Though my yoga keeps me at a decent steady number its not gonna be a forever fix. And the look I get when I told her Wonder Woman this, the text I get from the All Father, the defeat in peoples voices. Its so hard not to break myself. Its so hard not to let my emotions gets the best of me.
We know this day is gonna come, we know transplant is inevitable, but the sadness it brings people just breaks my heart. But yet I fight. I fight to push it off, I fight for another day, and some days I lay in bed and just fight for a next moment.
It has been such a rough week that Rubes the Cat sat next to me, put her nose to lips and licked my nosed to tell me it was ok. As I lay here recovering, and fighting to feel better. I get a text that my favorite pup is clean for my next visit and here I am fighting for my next moment. Or just a moment to not cough thru a game. Just a moment.
The only thing I can tell you is this. Fight. Fight with everything in you, fight with me and fight for me. If you are going thru this in your own way fight just like this. Do not give up. You can break but you can not give up. Find a reason in side you for you to keep pushing on. To keep fighting. Find whatever it is within you to take a step forward each day. Love yourself and embrace your ups and downs.
Love Yall
~Poppet
