As y'all know I write about my life, the not so glamorous and down right depressing at times. This happens to be one of those post. The brutal honesty of what someone goes thru.
Recently I was getting my health insurance all set up to get some extra help as my health is quite expensive. She has been a huge blessing to me and such a kind person. But me and Wonder Woman got to talking and advanced directives. Which means if anything ever happens to me the people names in this legal document make decisions for me. So this means you have to find someone you trust with EVERYTHING. And know you well enough to know what you want. So this takes a lot of trust. I had spent the last couple days contacting people.
So I sent out a text to some people very dare to me, and explained what I was up to, and if I could use there name. They said yes and asked me if I was ok. I said yes, though I do have a lung infection still I am OK, sent a pic for proof lol, and explained my situation. I am not going to go into details but there is someone in my life that has not been around for 10 years and though he is related to me I do not want or need him to make medical decisions and under minding some one else. OK this sounds quite confusing because I am leaving out peoples names to do privacy and respect.
If I am ever one a resperator I want the chance to fight like hell, I want that chance to prove I can over come the odds and fight for a lung transplant. But I also do not want to live on one for the rest of my life. Though these people want to keep me around they won't let me live a life of vegetation. See I told you depressing. But again fact of my life. You can be on a respirator for months and be ok. You just need to be sedated so your lungs can heal, which I told them both if this is the case, and transplant comes up take it!! Give me the new lungs, give me that chance to have a new life. They both agree.
I am so trying not cry typing this, because it is heart wrenching. It is terrifying. I also feel so guilty putting people thru this. I feel so guilty telling people that a relative even though its been 10 years since the contacted me have no "hereditary rights." Who wants to hear this. Especially the people I contacted. I am in my late 20s. So for me to send these text and plan all this is even more heart wrenching then I intend it to be.
The fact of living with a disease especially one that can slowly kill you, sorry to be blunt. Is the fact you have to make these decisions. My lung infections are getting more frequent especially in the winter. This infection started because I spent 12 hours at the hospital waiting for someone to have surgery. That's it. I don't mean to upset or scare anyone. But if you made it this far and you are sick. You are not alone. In the words of someone I love: "You are making the right decision and are smart to do this." You have to protect yourself. You have to make sure you and the other people have your best interesting in mind. And agree to make your wishes just. Make sure the lawyer you are speaking with knows your wishes as well.
To the people that are allowing to use your names, so I can get this worked up. Thank you for having my best interest in mind. And though this is heart breaking for me to, it means the world to me. I love you both.
Love Y'all
~Poppet
